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brilligspoonsYet another 2-hour delay this morning. I'm really over the winter months and weather, friends. In other news, there's no one in the office today, so I've amused myself this afternoon by writing crackfic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
paper_tzipporah.
An email frompaper_tzipporah:
...so I did.
Once upon a time, there was a very lonely tyrannosaurus rex named Rarmitage. He was on his way to New Zealand to star in an all-dinosaur production of Tolkien's The Hobbit when he accidentally tripped and stomped all over Paris, destroying many beloved structures and landmarks. The people of France (and people from other countries who liked taking stupid photos in front of the Eiffel Tower) were cross with him, and when Rarmitage offered them a hug as an apology for ruining their tourist season, they turned up their noses at him.
"We don't want your terrible hugs, Rarmitage!" they said (through a megaphone, because they were much smaller than him). "Your arms are too small for the size of the apology we require. Just be on your way, and don't come back!"
Rarmitage growled sadly and continued on to New Zealand. He munched on a few backpackers on his way to the Alps, but no amount of snacking would be able to replace the shame he felt for destroying Paris. He was so sad, in fact, that he didn't even notice his tail getting caught on the side of the Great Wall of China until it was too late.
"Don't even think about offering us one of your pitiful t-rex hugs, Rarmitage," said the people of China. "We heard about Paris. That's not going to fly here, either."
All of this rejection stung Rarmitage. Were his hugs really that awful? Was it his skin? Moisturizing was hard when you couldn't reach ninety percent of your body (and the bottle of lotion, most days). Was it his breath, perhaps? Humans did tend to get caught in his teeth, and they also gave him terrible indigestion - very stringy creatures, humans, and not all that healthy, but Rarmitage couldn't help himself sometimes. I imagine that's what lactose intolerant people think about ice cream, Rarmitage thought glumly as he hopped on the ocean liner that would take him to New Zealand.
When he arrived, however, he was surprised to find out that many of his co-stars were also t-rexes!
"We heard what happened with Paris and the Great Wall," they told him. "They all overreacted a bit, don't you think?"
Rarmitage was so overjoyed to be around other dinosaurs who understood his pain that he let out a great booming growl. The others joined in with him, and not too long after that, they were all happily rolling about together and giving each other t-rex cuddles (which Rarmitage decided, there and then, were actually the best cuddles in all the world).
The end!
I mean. At least I wrote something.
paper_tzipporah.An email from
paper_tzipporah:I always think of Richard Armitage as R. Armitage in my head, but, you know, it sounds like RAWRmitage, and [this tshirt]
I feel like I should apologize for my brain, or something
please write me fic where Rarmitage is a dinosaur and gets cuddles.
...so I did.
Once upon a time, there was a very lonely tyrannosaurus rex named Rarmitage. He was on his way to New Zealand to star in an all-dinosaur production of Tolkien's The Hobbit when he accidentally tripped and stomped all over Paris, destroying many beloved structures and landmarks. The people of France (and people from other countries who liked taking stupid photos in front of the Eiffel Tower) were cross with him, and when Rarmitage offered them a hug as an apology for ruining their tourist season, they turned up their noses at him.
"We don't want your terrible hugs, Rarmitage!" they said (through a megaphone, because they were much smaller than him). "Your arms are too small for the size of the apology we require. Just be on your way, and don't come back!"
Rarmitage growled sadly and continued on to New Zealand. He munched on a few backpackers on his way to the Alps, but no amount of snacking would be able to replace the shame he felt for destroying Paris. He was so sad, in fact, that he didn't even notice his tail getting caught on the side of the Great Wall of China until it was too late.
"Don't even think about offering us one of your pitiful t-rex hugs, Rarmitage," said the people of China. "We heard about Paris. That's not going to fly here, either."
All of this rejection stung Rarmitage. Were his hugs really that awful? Was it his skin? Moisturizing was hard when you couldn't reach ninety percent of your body (and the bottle of lotion, most days). Was it his breath, perhaps? Humans did tend to get caught in his teeth, and they also gave him terrible indigestion - very stringy creatures, humans, and not all that healthy, but Rarmitage couldn't help himself sometimes. I imagine that's what lactose intolerant people think about ice cream, Rarmitage thought glumly as he hopped on the ocean liner that would take him to New Zealand.
When he arrived, however, he was surprised to find out that many of his co-stars were also t-rexes!
"We heard what happened with Paris and the Great Wall," they told him. "They all overreacted a bit, don't you think?"
Rarmitage was so overjoyed to be around other dinosaurs who understood his pain that he let out a great booming growl. The others joined in with him, and not too long after that, they were all happily rolling about together and giving each other t-rex cuddles (which Rarmitage decided, there and then, were actually the best cuddles in all the world).
The end!
I mean. At least I wrote something.
